ZKM

Take a Peak Behind the Mask

"Success is the sole earthly judge of right and wrong."- Adolf Hitler

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Devastation and Grief


I guess recently a 'friend of the family' had a... tragedy drop upon her doorstep. Two members of her family, including 2 of her grandchildren and their babysitter all either drowned to death in her backyard or almost did, each trying to save each-other. Apparently it all started when her 10 year old grandkid fell in the river that was a short walk from their backyard. The 16 year old babysitter dived in to save the 10 year old, and the other, 6 year old grandchild dived in to save the babysitter. Both would-be rescuers died, while the 10 year old survived.

My first reaction was to laugh- the irony of the whole thing I find extremely amusing. Of course, I've met and spent time with that whole family. I may not be able to comprehend grief but I can identify and enjoy a good case of irony. The would-be saviors became the only victims. Talk about baptism by fire. If I ever heard of an ideal birth of a Nurture (as opposed to Nature) Sociopath, this is it. Either that or just a simple serial killer, but we can hope for the former. No, more like she'll just become an emotional wreck like Empaths tend to become in the face of 'tragedy'.

I would be thrilled I survived, but this just goes to show you how ungrateful Empaths can be of what they have. And it annoys me when things like this happen, because it brings my greatest weakness to light. I can't relate to grieving people. I hate when Empaths cry, you can never seem to make them stop. I can laugh and charm and wiggle my way around many different scenarios, but when faced with devastated people.. I'm at a loss. My witty, sarcastic masks have no purchase on this kind of.. honest, deep, emotion.

When put face to face with a sad, despondent Empath I can almost feel a giant spotlight above my head, highlighting for all the world to see my inadequacies. I am awkward and shallow and feel as if this fact is plain as day to anyone who cares to look but an inch or two deep. Even when I can pull off an air of quiet, 'aloof' unhappiness I can never gauge the 'appropriate' time I am supposed to enact these 'emotions'. It is a common misconception that Sociopaths have absolutely no emotion. We do. Ours are just shallow and self-centered. Most Sociopaths have a hair-trigger, they have much anger, and only hide it from the world.

I've been known to have little spurts of increased Unhappiness. Such as when a pet died or something like that. The difference is it was very short-lived, and usually revolved around ME no longer having something to amuse-ME. And dealing with someone or something "close' to me dying has always been an extreme annoyance. Sure there's occasionally that slight unhappiness, but it is quickly followed with complete annoyance at having my time wasted pretending to be emotionally unstable. I can somewhat understand being.. sad. But after a day or so it seems illogical and imprudent. Once the damn thing's buried it's gone. It is like emotional Peek-a-Boo. Once I don't see it, I don't comprehend pretending to be whiney about it anymore.

Which is undoubtedly why I Hate. Grieving. Empaths. Now my whole day, and perhaps week, is completely shot because I have to play saddened and subdued friend. I can only hope as Mr. Almighty "Once said', "this too shall pass'.
But don't even get me started on that fucking book.
We all know a Sociopath wrote the Bible.



2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Grieving is absolutely better than being bored out of oneself. I would be happy to experience anything that can make me grieve, it will at least pull me out of deadly, monotonous boredom I experience. It's like floating in an ocean that is perfectly still. No wind, no wave, always the same sky. I heard there is a planet which has an ideal weather always, warm/sunny but this planet has no land. Only water.
How deadly boring, like sociopath's life.
Don't you enjoy storm/rain rather than always sunny sunny sunny?
I am not a sociopath
I experience feelings, but I am rather apathetic,
I am so fucking sad, but so what?
I feel shame. so what?
and it passes soon. short-term short-term. Everything is meaningless. Nothing is happy.
Experiencing long-term, genuine, soul level grief and other feelings are great luck and blessing to oneself.
Good luck to you.

No, good luck to both of us.
To experience happiness,
and all other joys and meanings in life.
Good luck to both of us.

Miya.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful