Horror

I have always had a fascination with the depraved. Even when I was a small child, I would watch 'scary' movies and relate most to the 'villain'. While everyone else cheered the 'Hero's' triumph I would boo him from the sidelines. I never understood their motives. Why sacrifice anything for someone else for no good reason? Why risk something for no material gain? Why do people give money to charities?

I've always viewed this from a logical and cynical viewpoint. Although you must keep in mind, one man's logic is another man's chaos. Anyway, I see empathy as nothing more than over-hyped selfishness. As far as I can see Empaths TAKE the emotions of others and use them to get attention for themselves. But, this was my viewpoint before I discovered my Sociopathy (before I had a name for my... tendencies). I may be twisted and fucked up, but one thing I am not is ignorant. Having discovered I have APD has changed my perspective on many things. Yes, I still believe empathy is pointless- but I also understand that my opinion is skewed by lack of understanding.

I'm not exactly sure what the point of this post was supposed to be- or even is. There's 2 minutes to midnight and I realize I am just expressing thoughts I've often pondered many a time. Why is everyone else different from me? It's a question I've always asked myself, even from a very young age. Not from any kind of insecurity but a burning curiosity. I've always got a mild satisfaction from viewing media centered around the taboo. Serial murder, rape, torture, cannibalism the list goes on. I don't get the same things out of it that I believe Empaths do. I find it interesting to view a 'normal' person's view of the 'other side' of morality. As if it is some tangible wall that separates the men from the beasts. That and a good bloody murder scene has always tickled my funny bone.

I also enjoy seeing Sociopath's in television as the protagonists and how the writers, actors and director try to paint the Sociopath in a better light. Characters like that are literally manipulating the masses through the screen. Just look at the show Dexter. Sure, Dexter Morgan is a blood hungry serial killer with a mild case of schizophrenia (if you ask me..) but he ONLY kills 'bad guys'. Other serial killers to be precise. And although the obvious hypocrisy is something any sociopath could naturally easily ignore, the real trouble comes with how they make him act and his explanations for his choices. In the show they act as if he has a conscience but also the urge to kill- that my friends is great for people like me. YES, absolutely go ahead and create a sympathetic view of the modern day psychopath. Make the masses empathetic to our cause.

By this point I can tell I'm not only rambling, but exhausted. But, this is my blog and so I suppose I have the authority and if anything, the sworn duty, to ramble to my heart's content. This weekend I'm going on a little trip. Out to the desert for a 'nice' weekend of soothing, scalding hot 'relaxation'. I don't know if I'll be able to get Internet there and therefore may be missing a few posts I'm 'sorry' to say. Alas, the world will go on without me, if only for a few days.

The world is but a simple puzzle; it takes an unhindered mind to sort the pieces.