A time for great misery in the forms of overbearing family members and too tight jeans. This along with Christmas is what all that training throughout the year is for. Year round I finely tune my faux smile so that its brilliance can deceive even the most veteran empaths in my family. 'Smile and think of blood' I say to myself. Smile, pretend to be 'happy', show affection and wit, be charming, clever and engaging. Constant reminders, because I need them. It only takes one slip for shit to hit the fan.
Most lies I can tolerate telling, my annoyed apathy almost fuels my desire to succeed in such lies. But the one thing I can't stand- is pretending to like children. It's so extremely important too, what an unlucky weakness for me to have. I can't stand sniveling, whining little brats- and I'm talking about the parents. Don't even get me started on their little inbred spawn. Humans seem to be so emotionally attached to their offspring. It's pivotal to act appropriately around them if you want to blend in.
I'll blather on later, for now I need all the rest I can get. The next 24 are going to be Tartarus.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Psychopath.
Okay, so I've been horribly neglectful- selfish even, in my lack of regular posting this past month. For that I oh so humbly apologize. Sometimes life is an overbearing pimp--greedy and brutal. I don't want it to be, believe me. I'd prefer a much simpler, easier life, where I could lounge about and live prosperous on the backs of the unlucky fuckers beneath me. Unfortunately, that was not to be, at least yet.
I've lost all interest in my current situation, to the point of recklessness. Boredom is an unfortunate side effect of apathy. I know it seems all fun and games but really all it does is give me more work. Think of it like breathing. Right now you are breathing and most likely have no conscious thought of doing so. Imagine having to breathe manually. There are benefits- no panic attacks no hyperventilation, an immunity to the hysteria brought on by strangulation, BUT, you are forever burdened with the constant knowledge of your difference from others. You watch, disgustedly-some might say envyingly, at the Normals as they breathe merrily away, carefree in the knowledge that their subconscious will do the work for them. There are two sides to every coin.
Lately some of my compatriots have taken to calling me Psychopath (hence the title). Of course their use is completely inaccurate and supposedly innocent it does raise questions to the paranoid mind. I am a very paranoid person, it comes with the territory. Society seems to frown on the Perpetually Suspicious, but let me tell you, when your whole life, the very fabric of your 'being' is a lie, you have much to be suspicious of. Every prolonged look is a highly trained PI, every snapped twig a psychiatrist with Straight Jacket in tow. You can never be too careful-that's one cliche I can merrily abide.
"Paranoia is just another word for longevity"- Laurell K. Hamilton
I've lost all interest in my current situation, to the point of recklessness. Boredom is an unfortunate side effect of apathy. I know it seems all fun and games but really all it does is give me more work. Think of it like breathing. Right now you are breathing and most likely have no conscious thought of doing so. Imagine having to breathe manually. There are benefits- no panic attacks no hyperventilation, an immunity to the hysteria brought on by strangulation, BUT, you are forever burdened with the constant knowledge of your difference from others. You watch, disgustedly-some might say envyingly, at the Normals as they breathe merrily away, carefree in the knowledge that their subconscious will do the work for them. There are two sides to every coin.
Lately some of my compatriots have taken to calling me Psychopath (hence the title). Of course their use is completely inaccurate and supposedly innocent it does raise questions to the paranoid mind. I am a very paranoid person, it comes with the territory. Society seems to frown on the Perpetually Suspicious, but let me tell you, when your whole life, the very fabric of your 'being' is a lie, you have much to be suspicious of. Every prolonged look is a highly trained PI, every snapped twig a psychiatrist with Straight Jacket in tow. You can never be too careful-that's one cliche I can merrily abide.
"Paranoia is just another word for longevity"- Laurell K. Hamilton
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