Insomnia, Stress and Lies

I'm ill, very tired, very worn. I've pushed myself past any limits to get to this point. Physical, definitely. Mental, definitely. Today was a monumental day. I was backed into a corner, had no choice. A wild animal can do crazy things, because it's always in danger, always back to the wall.


I talk a lot about manipulation and lying, but I failed to mention one of the most important circumstances when it comes to either. Desperation. Necessity. Up until this point I have talked about the IDEAL methods of manipulation and the IDEAL rules to follow in social interactions. Ideal ideal ideal. What do you do when the situation isn't ideal?


THINK! Always think. I can't stress that enough. I sure do mention THINKING a lot, hmm, I wonder if that means it's important? Yes, it is. Always be aware of your situation, your tactics and your goal. It may seem impossible to think while in a desperate situation, but if that's the case, you really haven't learned much at all.


What do I mean, desperate? A situation in which your life/livelihood/something important to you, hangs in the balance of this lie. What a desperate situation also usually entails, is that it is NOT the ideal situation for a lie.


One of the most basic things I talk about, that any petty con man knows, is that ideally, if you're going to lie, lie about something that can't be reaffirmed. Yes, that's child's play. But how do you manipulate a person when you don't have an advantage? When the cards are stacked against you and you HAVE to lie about something that CAN be checked up on, what do you do?


Or how about, how do you lie when all the evidence points towards your guilt? Welcome to my puzzle today ladies and gentle-paths! If you solved the problem in 10 seconds like I had to, you get a cookie!


I really, truly, have been stretched farther than I have ever before, these past months. I have been sleeping, on average 2-4 hours per 72 hour time period. I have been working, nonstop. I have not prowled in the night. Not tasted the mist of darkness on my tongue nor felt the prickling of the watcher's eye guiding my actions. I haven't been alive, not for months.


So you would think, my ability to perform would be stunted-- and it probably is, I'm sure. But today only proves, I am what I am, until I literally cannot stand anymore. I am so exhausted my bones literally have that warm fuzzy feeling you feel before collapse (and no I don't wish to get into the biology of that ;)), yet today, when threatened I did exactly what I had to do. Lie-- and lie well.


Not that I have an aversion to lying normally but I have rules. Not moral rules, no. More like.. guidelines. There is a time and place for lying, sometimes telling the 'truth' is more beneficial. Today I had to break my own rules. I had to throw out a lie that was so blatant I'm surprised my nose didn't grow a foot long. The problem was, all evidence led to me.


The issue with situations like that is there is only one real angle to fly from. Logically, I was guilty. Thank the fucking Lord Empaths don't rely on logic alone! I was in a corner, pressed tight with a blade to my carotid and I really wasn't all that worried. Which is an irritating trait of the psychopath in my opinion, I never seem to care the hammer is falling until it hits me in the head.


I had a short time to consider my options, milliseconds really, and normally I would choose what *I* call the 'truth', which is basically a lie that incriminates you enough to look honest, but not so much as to make you look... psychopathic. But this time, in my mind, I couldn't afford to. Or at least, I was sick of being irritated and exhausted and unable to dance with copper in the moonlight, so I went for it. I used the only tactic that for some reason, can occasionally beat logic. Emotion!


I was really quite fantastic, mimicking perfectly the behavior of an Empath accused of a crime they didn't commit. My words were on the offense, not the defense. My argument was vehement and simple, not elaborate. I was exasperated and frustrated and very upset that I wasn't believed. Thankfully, it worked.


Now as a sort of... warning? I always strongly analyze a situation before I make a move. As I always say, one tactic is NOT always right for a situation. Never assume that is what I mean. I often leave out much of my thought process because frankly, it's boring to me. I knew who I was talking to, had analyzed their personality enough, and considered the ambiguity of the evidence enough, to know that if I played my part perfectly, it could work.

Don't try this at home kids!
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"The last refuge of the insomniac is a sense of superiority to the 
sleeping world. " 
— Leonard Cohen