I really don't get the obsession with love. I have been called cold and heartless toward the end of relationships and I always ask the same question, "what gives you that impression?" If I smile at you, say nice things, compliment your appearance even if it's lacking, buy you gifts and bestow upon you affection, are you not being loved? I've learned over the years, the answer to my question is perverse, a complete 180 from what they tell you in health class or in movies, books or any form of media. The reason they felt unloved is because it was too easy.
Love is supposed to be painful and irrational. My apathy and lack of abuse made them feel uncared for. Had I smacked them around a bit, screamed at them in jealous rage, demanded they stop seeing their friends and families and perhaps forced myself sexually on them a few times, I would've been their knight in shining armor. But because I did none of those things, they saw me as heartless.
Now, I'm positive many psychopaths do all kinds of violent things to their lovers and that's why they're so loved. But at that point in my life relationships were more for an appearance of normalcy than anything else. I don't feel that obsession many p/s types feel towards their lovers. I could generally care less about them, and only those with the utmost docility and desire to please me could inspire anything more than a quiet derision from me. Unfortunately, in this day and age (and any other that I can think of as well) an appearance of asexuality is disturbing and ridicule inspiring.
The problem with romantic relationships is the other person wants to be around you all the time. I can't imagine even the most skilled manipulator can pretend to be human 24/7. I surely can't. I always get the feeling that all they really want, what they truly crave, is for me to snap and kill them, to individually wrap and send all their body parts to various family members so everyone can see how truly loved they are. Every relationship I've been the kind, charming suitor in, has blown up in my face. Every relationship I've been the semi-violent, possessive and controlling manipulator in, has been a ridiculous success. My question is, why the hell isn't this what's depicted on television and taught by mothers and fathers and written in songs played on the radio?
Why are ridiculous exploitive websites like LoveFraud so popular, when so many people literally beg to be abused? I'm not saying I'm not a sadist, that'd be a bold faced lie. But that pleasure doesn't come from abusing lovers, it comes from preying on strangers. I wouldn't abuse my partners if that didn't make them feel loved, if that wasn't really, deep down what they wanted. So I suppose my point is, why is the definition of love so skewed from reality? Are people living in a fantasy world? Do they even know their actions contradict their fantasies?
And as a sidenote, I realize that, unfortunately, not everyone is me. If your experience differs, simply share your story. I would never dream of involuntarily painting anyone into a box.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
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8 comments:
I guess it depends what you grew up watching. I've seen a fair amount of movies where the guy was a misogynist, wife-slapping He Man. It's from a different, more realistic generation, granted, but it was there.
About your comment in the last blog, yes, I know exactly what you mean. I said as much to him personally.
Sometimes we just know.
Let me see if I can shed some light on why this happens. I will also say that this ‘reasoning’ is completely dysfunctional.
When a guy is a jerk/asshole/abusive it means there nature is to be mean and awful. The first stage of a relationship is usually all puppies and rainbows. After this when things start to go down hill, a girl will remember who that guy was in the beginning stages of the relationship and hope to get that back. She’ll start to lose her sense of self-worth. If she can then do everything she can, put all of herself into ‘fixing’ the relationship she can elevate her own self-esteem. Furthermore, if an abusive boyfriend is willing to change for her and treat her well, more importantly, treat her better than previous girlfriends it will ‘prove’ that she is worth more because he clearly thinks she is ‘enough’ for him to want to be different for.
Other times, an abusive guy will beat her down so much, treat her as worthless so much, that she actually begins to believe this and becomes afraid that if she loses him, she’ll never find someone else. In the face of abandonment, she’ll choose to hold onto someone, anyone, even a guy that abuses her.
So if you’re mean, and she has the chance to change your mind so you’re no longer mean, it’s a sign that she is worth more because you’re willing to change your ways for her.
Convoluted, I know.
I probably shouldn’t be giving suggestions, but after the honeymoon phase of a relationship, start to be a dick, let her do whatever it is she needs to do to make you happy and pleasant to her again, be nice again, rinse and repeat the cycle until she’s smitten and afraid to lose what you have.
The chicks that need 24/7 attention already have dependency issues. You’ll be stuck with this. In any new relationship this might occur because it’s new and exciting, but after a while healthy distance should be able to be established.
I cannot help but interject here, Haven. I am a woman who likes a dominant male. And I am pretty dominant. I know this is not the feminist thing to say, but I will say it..
I want my man to feel like the boss.
And I don't want 24/7.
I don't want to be summoned if and when he feels like being in my presence, but
I want him to "feel" like the boss without actually being the boss.
It has nothing to do abuse whatsoever. It has to do with letting the guy be a fucking guy.
It seems, those who kind of crave to be abused, are not psychologically healthy. To me, a relationship with a jerk happened just to make me lose more of self worth and try to keep and win over that jerk. Well, i won. We are still together, but i feel dead inside, there is no trust, i cannot trust after what happened. i do not think we will stay together forever "until death do us part", lol. no, maybe not lol but rather, sigh. heavy.
It seems, those who kind of crave to be abused, are not psychologically healthy. To me, a relationship with a jerk happened just to make me lose more of self worth and try to keep and win over that jerk. Well, i won. We are still together, but i feel dead inside, there is no trust, i cannot trust after what happened. i do not think we will stay together forever, lol.
Ridiculous. What you call "success" from your pathetic psychopathic self will of course be a relationship in which you were abusive and definitely, you are a better match with a person who craves for abuse. Your posts show me people like you are truly empty and pathetic. You must stay away from people, isolate yourself in a remote location or something. You are fucking harmful.
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