What exactly is trust? Trust to me is the inexplicable faith one person puts into another, that allows them to take more risks with that person than they otherwise would. It is a reward to a favorable trend of behavior on the other person's part, or it is simply a necessity in a given situation.
To very blatantly overgeneralize, there are two kinds of psychopath (for this post I'm using the word psychopath to encompass the entire antisocial spectrum). Those who for whatever reason choose to remain outrageously in their purest form, in public and private, and those who choose to blend in, wear a mask of normality as camouflage. To the former trust is a moot issue but to the latter, trust is absolutely pivotal.
I try to cultivate trust in anyway I can. A shallow-thinking Antisocial might ask, 'what's the benefit in that?' To me it's obvious. Empaths are blinded by positive emotions and are irrationally attached to the impressions they have of people. They are taught from an early age that there are 'good' people and there are 'bad' people. A solid sense of identity is extremely important to them, everyone has to be categorized.
Therefor, if someone thinks you are a 'good' person, you are automatically put into a box. Anything you do, within reason, will be judged in a positive light. So, how do you make people see you as a good person? That's where trust comes in. How do you build trust? In various ways. Random acts of kindness, understanding, and laving of attention, to name a few.
I'm a planner, a thinker. I have to be. Social manipulation is not an exact science. People don't realize that manipulation in general is less action, more observation. Anyone could do it, but few have the energy, the intelligence, or the need to be successful. Not every tactic will work on every person.
Another important thing to remember is that manipulation in large part, relies on subtlety and subversion. It is much preferable to play with an unaware individual than an aware one. The biggest mistake I see people make when trying to outwit someone is being too overt, impatient and transparent in their intentions.
For instance, say you intend to 'borrow' something from someone. One mistake I've seen is for such a thief to initiate conversation prior where they 'subtly' bring up the topic of stealing and boldly assert that they 'would never do that' or some other derivative of that statement. While that kind of tactic may work on occasion, it is very amateur and upon hindsight by any thinking person, very suspect.
When I have a goal in mind I consider several different methods, then decide which one is the most subtle and least liable to be noticed. That is always the best choice. For gaining trust, actions truly are infinitely more effective than words.
As a psychopath my hugest roadblock is my impulsivity. I studiously keep rigid control of certain aspects of my personality because, quite frankly, if I don't I'll end up in jail. In order to buffer any slips I might make, it's important that I maintain a certain level of trust with those around me.
Monday, April 18, 2011
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4 comments:
A lack of trust will make people suspicious of your motives in all you do. They can start to question every move you make and quite often, they have a tendency to read too much into things and invent suspect motives that were never really there.
By the way you have an excellent vocabulary. This post a was pleasure to read.
You may find this interesting, a documentary of one of the purest psychopaths I've yet to come across, a true snake charmer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLsH_dN_eYw
Manipulation is a funny thing.
A lot of people look at it like an attack, or a move to use against someone. I've learned to look at it from the polar opposite side of such a viewpoint.
People like to be manipulated, subtlety. They don't like being told what to do, they don't like nasty little hints, or venomous quips. People really do enjoy being fooled into doing or believing something, because the other option is basically forcing it down their throat.
If someone wanted me to do something, I'd much prefer they were subtle about it. If they outright asked/told me to do it, I might see it as them commanding me around, and I wouldn't like that! Would you?
So no, I see manipulation as helping people help you. Not just tricking them.
There are of course exclusions to this, where your intent is purely malevolent, but I personally don't go through those motions very much. It takes a lot for me to hate someone to bother and plot against them. I prefer to build vast amounts of potential blackmail and noted weak points, so that when I need to strike, I'm ready.
Trust to me is like a collar and leash. The more obedient and harmless you seem, the more freedom and comfort you get. But sometimes you snap the leash or drag the owner down one too many times and it's the cage for you, with no chance of another walk.
great post ;)
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