Knives

Are my favorite toys. So slick and smooth. Cold and dangerous. Like me, but inanimate. A knife could slowly caress you one moment, and savagely pierce your chest in another. It's fascinating. I believe a person's favorite object can tell you many things about them. It can give you an unprecedented glimpse into the true mind of a human being.

The problem with people though, is they lie. We all lie. The only variation is that some of us lie better than others. We lie for different reasons-some with logic, others with emotion. It is hard to claim an identity as a Sociopath. I am, whoever I need to be, to accomplish a set goal. That is it. I know it is somewhat confusing because it confuses me as well. When the masks are tossed aside, who am I?

Contrary to how it may sound, It's really not important to me to know but still- I am curious. Empaths seem so caught up in being a 'unique' individual. They want a sole identity for themselves, not realizing their social significance in society is in reality, completely insignificant on a grander scale. Life as a whole is inherently meaningless, despite what Empaths delusionally wish to believe.

It makes me wonder. Do Normals look at themselves in the mirror and see something distinct? Do they gaze into their own eyes and know exactly who they are looking at? I look in the mirror every morning and see my reflection. No sentimental hogwash or feelings of any sort cross my mind. I brush my teeth, comment on my sustained attractiveness and take a piss. It is hard to imagine life with so much intense emotion clogging up everything you do. An emotional heart attack waiting to happen. Perhaps I have Diabetes of the soul.

The only thing 'special' about me is my ability to blend in in any situation. That doesn't mean I always choose to do so; not even close. As much as I hate other people, my whole life revolves around them. Reading them, studying their habits, determining the best way to guide them in the direction I choose-these are the activities that make up my entire day.

Controlling people is the only thing that gets me up in the morning. Everything I do is moulded around that goal. My choice of career, friends, activities- everything. I do not believe it is because I am somehow 'evil' because there is no such thing as good or evil. It just so happens that Control brings me pleasure and enjoyment. What other motivator could there be to do something?

Another thing I enjoy is pain; giving and receiving. I enjoy stealing and I enjoy talking about myself (obviously). As you may have noticed the list of things that bring me even mild enjoyment is very short. The things that irritate me or invoke my rage however, are endless. I have no hobbies, have no fondness for much of anything and that includes both objects and people. I am easily bored but by now am used to it. OH! And I've been contemplating slaughtering the family dog for months now. Not because I dislike it- I actually am somewhat fond of the little thing. I'll let you brainstorm the reason why.

Drugs

I don't know how Sociopaths in general view recreational drug use but I myself am pro- use. If the Empaths want to numb themselves from the bullshit society has to offer, why stop them? I've always preferred the darker elements of humanity. I get along much better with drug dealers and murderers than I ever did with school teachers and volunteers. They're so much more interesting- and yes I've met people who fit all of those descriptions. It could have something to do with the fact that I grew up with the dredges of society. Other kids I'm sure got told fictitious bedtime stories when they were little- I got to hear strangers tell of the latest ways they last got sent to prison. Fun times, I miss them.

Ever since I was as young as I can even remember I have been a Klepto. Actually, to be honest I peaked in my earlier years. I would steal anything and everything, who knows why. I stole for the rush stealing gave me rather than for any true desire for the things I took. Everything from cash to books to Icecream I stole. I've never had a true grasp of 'right' and 'wrong'. For me, anything I choose to do is 'right' unless I get caught. Those are the rules. The ends justify the means. The few times I did get caught were never in the act. They were because, like I said, I had no inclination to actually use half the things I took, so a few times vast collections of cash(at least for my age) would be found and questioned.

One time a teacher found 300 dollars in my Cubby after I moved and the other was 700 dollars in a Coca Cola box. What use does a kid have with money? Both times however I expertly shifted the blame from myself. Lying was another little hobby I picked up around then. The two went hand in hand perfectly.

I've gone through many phases in my short life where I put emphasis on one of my many 'vices'. Between drugging, lying, cheating and stealing I'm not sure which is my favorite. They're all a lot more interesting than living life 'by the book'. Empaths with little empathy are a lot more 'fun' to be around than boring ole sober-Joes, that's for damn sure. And what group of people has some of the lowest amounts of Empathy? Drug 'addicts', who else?