Socio-dar?

Every day has its own individual challenges. For some people those challenges may involve doing good in school, getting promoted at work or even just simply putting food on the table. For me it's keeping those around me from knowing the truth. I don't care about anything. Every other word that comes out of my mouth is a lie, my 'feelings' my likes and dislikes. All of it is bullshit. I'm smart, funny, outgoing. I have many friends, my family is proud of the person I am becoming. And it's all crap. Every day I get up and pretend to be someone I'm not, and I know there are thousands of people out there (I know I'm under-exaggerating) who do it too. Hell, even Empaths (non-sociopaths) lie about who they are, but to a much smaller extent.

Sometimes I can look someone in the eye, and know for a fact they're just like me. I can watch them sit there and spew out, verbatim, exactly what they think a normal person would say. And it's perfect too, just the right combination of frivolous emotion with a dash of that charming lack of self esteem Empaths always possess. But somehow there's just this.. disconnect. Like, a gaydar for the Unemotional, perish the thought. Sociodar... Psychodar... Emtpinessdar? Something foolish sounding like that.

But anyways, that's all for me today, I have to go pretend to cry about a family member dying. That's not to say I'm not.. upset-- in my own way. My way of 'grieving' is just much more shallow and short-lived, that's all. I don't really understand the emotion that surrounds these sorts of things; People die and it's like all the sudden family members who disowned and refused to talk to them for the past 10 years are all the sudden devastated at the loss. Why pretend? It's as if NOT showing some sort of sadness isn't socially acceptable, whether you 'feel' it or not. I'll never understand the way humans interact.

it's so... sloppy.