Recently I've begun to re-examine my relationship with music. I have very eclectic tastes-in many things, including auditory delights. What's 'in' or 'cool' has very little bearing on what I choose to fancy at any particular time. Of course, I mean honestly. Many people believe I like different things. But inwardly I am varied. It's almost ironic that one thing I always am drawn to in music is emotion- passion. Perhaps because I want to live vicariously through the artists? I don't know.
I have an affinity for dark, sarcastic, upbeat music. Clever lyrics and biting sound catch my interest. Catchy songs are interesting too- I have no deep-seeded need to be 'original'. The problem with music is people are so judgmental of other people's preferences. Figuring out a person's musical tastes can be pivotal in establishing a 'connection' with the subject.
It's almost easier for me to declare some of the genres I downright have no particular liking for right off the bat, versus trying to list everything I do like. Country music- perhaps stemming from my dislike of rednecks. Blues- probably more out of ignorance than anything else. Screamo/Heavy metal- because it's just noise. Unfortunately Death metal has lyrics I can appreciate, but the sound is grating and wasteful of such morbid talent.
People seem to believe that things like the music you listen to define 'who you are'. I suppose I can almost prove that with my choices. They're varied and haphazard. No definite preference for one thing over another. No pattern. No 'identity'. Just blends in to anyone else's likes or dislikes. Sounds like me-almost.
I was just viewing an episode of one of my favorite shows, House MD, when I noticed one of the patients was a Blogger. This woman however, unlike me, posted her every waking moment. She shared all the details of her life with a ravenous public. It was almost like a therapy to her. I'm quite different. I don't write about the exact day to day workings of my dull and dreadfully average life. No, I write to empty my mind of excess filth.
The thing about me is I'm a thinker. I literally live inside my head. I analyze everything and everyone. What they say what they wear and most importantly- what they don't say. I analyze what I say and its affect on a person or situation. It's important to me to have a solid grasp on my surroundings. One thing constantly mentioned in my blog is my use of conscious manipulation in social situations. Honestly I think people perceive that to be worse than it is.
Normal people manipulate each other all the time subconsciously. Using all sorts of excess emotion and the expert ability to subtly express them Empaths manipulate each other constantly. The only difference between me and everyone else is I have to use different a different strategy. Just 'winging it' doesn't fly when you don't have the natural ability. That's not to say I don't use my powers for 'evil'.. quite the contrary.
Anyway, back to the point. Since I'm constantly thinking all the time it can get a bit crowded in my head on occasion. This can either lead to extreme violence or focus in some particular activity. What better activity to participate in than a public catalogue of many of my inane inner ramblings? The sometimes annoying reality of being a Sociopath is the realization that you will rarely if ever meet a person who can comprehend if not accept, the honest reality of what you are, for the lack of a better word.
I have never shared the foolish sentiment of 'individuality' that the masses seem to have adopted as the norm. I'm not talking about wishing I could cry on someone's shoulder and whine about my many woes. No, sometimes it's just annoying having to pretend all the fucking time. That's why my dominate group of friends, or people I choose to voluntarily associate myself with for no specific gain- are all selfish, self-centered assholes. They don't give a care about me, and I don't have to pretend to care about them. It's... refreshing. A nice change from the real world- where people don't really care, but it's a necessity to pretend to.
Everyone's just playing their role in this shitty B movie we call life. All the actors are cheesy and melodramatic. But hey, at least it's entertaining, right? What part do I play you say? Why, the director of course.
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