Take a Peak Behind the Mask

"Success is the sole earthly judge of right and wrong."- Adolf Hitler

Monday, September 6, 2010

Bipolar Yay or Nay?

I've been considering more and more lately that I may actually be bipolar. I mean sure, I've always known I've had symptoms, but each time I become manic I disregard the possibility as absurd. At the same time I realize that how I perceive the disorder is different from others. I have few emotional swings, it's more like a change in energy. Which in turn, alters how people think I feel.

That probably doesn't make a ton of sense, but it's the only way I can explain it. I've been practically rushing- almost like a speed rush, for the past week. Then this weekend it was like getting knocked right off the log. As if I were mentally attempting to swim through sludge. Not very fun.

Most of the time I am 100% monotonously level headed. But I go through cycles of hyperactivity and then an almost depression. It has nothing to do with being happy or sad- just level of motivation. Very odd. And very unappealing.

I enjoy the monotony of my existence. There is something freeing about not giving a fuck in the same way Empaths do. I don't want to be emotional or caring. I'll leave that dull job to you, the professionals. I am very grateful for the existence of such a disorder as Bipolar however. Considering, it has gotten me out of a lot of jams in the past. Why is it they get so much more leeway than poor, innocent, mentally mangled psychopaths? It's simply unfair.

"There is a particular kind of pain, elation, loneliness, and terror involved in this kind of madness."- Kay Redfield

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